Learning to say “no” to your child

Saying “no” to a toddler drawing on walls is different from telling a teen they can’t stay out late on a school night. Both might get upset, but setting limits—especially those based on values, family dynamics, and safety—is important for all ages. It helps your child learn healthy limits and feel secure in a routine.
Here are some things to keep in mind when saying “no” your children, regardless of ages or developmental level:
Young children:
- Use simple language and concepts as they may not understand ideas like “empathy” and “boundaries”
- Explain why you are saying no right away, in real time
- Tell stories (whether from books or your own experiences) to teach lessons
- Show what you mean instead of just telling them
Pre-teens and teenagers:
- Practice active listening
- Stay calm and empathetic if they get upset—remember, hormones, peer pressure, and a push for independence and identity are all part of their experience
- Be consistent with rules based on safety and family values
- Offer more freedom when they show good choices
- Remember: they are growing fast, and it is normal for this to be difficult for you both
As kids grow, how you say “no” will change. But having clear rules helps kids of all ages feel secure and make good decisions.